The photo to the left is of my dearly departed Charlie......My first animal as an adult. The one year aniversary of his death is October 24, 2005. I still desparately miss him teasing me while I talked to him through the PVC covered wire while telling and showing him I wanted a kiss, and he would walk up and stay just out of reach, and look at me while he chewed his timothy hay .......I miss how he would nestle into me when I would cuddle and kiss him. I miss him.
Charlie had bounced from home to home and really didn't have much attention paid to him in any of them...... he was 4 yrs old when I was asked to care for him for a month while his owner went on vacation. I read as much as I could get my hands on to to prepare. After that one month, he went from being an anti social biter, to a purring baby boy .... I kept him ....the prior caregiver confessed that because I was such a sucker for animals they were hoping I would take him. With the changes in him, how could I not take him .....the thought of giving him back made me cry like a baby. Over the next 6 months we grew so close..... He would wheek for me to pick him up, then he would run away from me and I would have to catch him ......then he he didn't like it when I put him down because he would climb up the PVC covered wire and wheek for me to pick him up again. 10 months later he was gone and I was so desperately heart broken.....he was 5 1/2 yrs old .....
I had a memorial for him with close friends around me ..... played some music, and handed out chocolates, then told everyone that I wanted them to remember a story when they ate the chocolates .....I got the biggest kisses from Charlie when I would suck on Baskin and Robbin's Chocolate Mint sugar free candies ....I marveled aloud at the lengths his tongue could reach for such a little guy...his tongue would actually hit my front tooth!! I spread his ashes under a beautiful tree on a mountain side ......the Vancouver Lowermainland was completely covered in fog, but up on the mountain it was crisp and sunny .......truly a beautiful day ... It was on November 11, 2004 which was Remebrance day in Canada.....I plan to go back there on the 1 year anniversary of his memorial with a flower to lay down at the base of that tree.
I thought that I was ready for new life in February, and planned on getting two girls because I wanted them to have company, and I thought with boys I may compare them to Charlie. I discovered quickly that gender didn't matter, as they showed me that I would need to establish a trust with them. I started to fully grieve my loss then.
Soon, one of my girls had two baby boys. Of course I had to keep them, because how could I look their mom in the face knowing I sent her babies away?
I have four new loves of my life......they are all unique and wonderful individuals. I have a strong bond with each of them and love them dearly ....
It doesn't take away the reality that I still dearly miss the beautiful one who is probably teasing the angels as i write, and oppcorning while he is at it . I know he will be there waiting for all the babies mommy had after he left the earth, until at last mommy gets to be with all of them.
I was told the girls were only three months old which meant they were born around the time Charlie passed away. Because I had Charlie for such a short time, I wanted the youngest babies I could find. I had been looking for about 1 1/2 months at every shelter and store, and didn't find what I was looking for....the soul connection.
I brought home " Charlie's Angels" and about 3 days afterwards I decided to check their bodies to see if there was a physical reason for the size difference between them (one was 100 grams or 3.5 oz larger). I found a lump on the smaller one...it was under her left jawbone and about half of the size of her little head. I was a bit panicked now. Because I wasn't satisfied with the vet I had for Charlie, I needed to find a new one...I found one in the yellow pages who specialized in pocket pets. Perfect !
I made an appointment for both girls to have a physical, but due to timing it would be a couple of days before we could be seen. I had to think fast......what names was I going to give them ? I didn't want to give them any old names.....The name had to mach the personality of the individual. The night before going to the vet, the names hit me in the head. I named one Heidi, because she really loved to tuck under my chin, my hair, get under my sweater, or find a sleeve to crawl into. She was constantly on the move for the next location to hide in. The other one who was the larger of the two, I named Harmony because she was so Zen every time I held her....I felt peace when holding her.
I didn't fully recognize the energy or prescence Charlie brought to my living room until he was gone. Until my girls arrived the room felt stagnant and cold. What a gift to have life residing on my living room coffee table again :)
Because I am not allowed to have animals where I live, I had to smuggle Charlie in and out whenever necessary, and it would be the same drill for me and the girls. As always, I was just praying that nobody would have to get on the elevator with us because I could hear those padded little feet scurying about over the Aspen bedding.
Mission accomplished! All of us in the car and on our way to the new vet ..... We get into the exam room and the vet had instruments for my babies I had never seen before, and he was very thorough in his exam so I was excited. I had prayed to find a good vet, and I beleived/still beleive, I have found one of the best. My girls did very well, except for Hiedi's abssess. He explained that there are systemic and injury related causes for abssess and either way they can be very hard to treat as they usually continue to recurr. What a bummer that was to hear.
The absess was lanced, I was given instructions on how to express the matter inside the abssess' membrane, and given baytril .... 10 days later and there was little, if any improvement ..... I think I contributed because Hiedi was just so small and hearing her cry out in pain after being pinched in the neck and then swabed with hydrogen peroxide was definitely not something to look forward to 3 times per day.
My tiny baby, under 6 months and under 600 grams, was about to have her first surgery. She made it through and we were sent home with a stronger antibiotic. Hiedi started to react with boughts of diarrhea and intermitant lapses in eating. I cried and cried ......What had I done to my baby ?! I didn't think I could emotionally cope with losing another one.
Back to the vet and he said she was quite round for her size, so he did an ultrasound and I was informed she was pregnant. With my eyes wide as saucers at the thought of midwivery, he did say that the fetuses may not survive due to the oral treatments she already had. He suggested no further treatments at this time, but because I was an avid reader of GL and all it's wonderful links, I was aware of the potential for death if this went untreated. I inquired about providing us with a topical antibiotic. So he thought for a moment and left the room, and when he came back he gave me a bottle of Alcomicin, and directed me to clean the wound with chlorhexidine gluconate and rinse extremely well, firmly express all matter possible from the membrane, then place 3-4 drops of Alcomicin in the wound and rub it around to ensure the highest saturation of the membrane possible. I did this 3-4 times per day. I pinched more than once if I wasn't yeilding any evidence of the abssess as this was now a tough love fight for her precious life. Each time I did the routine, I would finish it with a prayer...believing in God for a miracle of full healing. I asked my friends for their positive thoughts or prayers for Hiedi, and also called upon St. Frances .....Nope, I am not catholic or religious in any way....just very spiritual.
Although Heidi's babies never made it to this world, Heidi had a a miracle healing because I can't even find any scar tissue of the abssess, which is somewhat unusual I am told. We have had such a close bond ever since. I know now that should any of my babies have an absess again, this is what I am going to request at the first visit, with testing to confirm if it is a systemic problem.