- Supporter in '16
I headed north for a secret rendezvous with my supplier, SlaveToFuzzy. A few weeks ago she decided we needed to meet a young man named Steve who had been found wandering around wild in the hostile wilderness of Atlanta. After some detoxing, fattening up, and a little visit with Dr. A to leave behind some man-bits, Steve was finally ready to audition for the role of SuperHerd Boar (and we all know those are some pretty big shoes to fill).
At first, things seemed to be going okay. Everybody was very interested in the exciting exotic hay, which was of course exactly the hay they had just had in their cage. But we all know hay is much more delicious on the floor.
I was a little worried, actually, that Steve seemed to be bonding with The Ladies and sort of missing the point of his entire existence.
But then it happened. The one moment that changed everything. And I caught it on camera.
Yes, ladies and germs, there it was. Steve had humped Cookie; Cookie brrrred at him and waddled off. He'd humped Cici, who whined what was almost a scream, but not quite (not yet!). And then... then he humped VickieWhiskers.
And Miss Victoria Whiskers does not, in case you were wondering, play that.
Please imagine the next three hours consisting of Cookie placidly eating hay, but with one eye carefully on Vickie, just in case, because the negative energy was that strong. Please imagine Miss Clairee Claudia huddled in whatever corner she could find, often face-first, periodically breaking into hysterical screaming, whether or not anybody was anywhere near her or taking any notice of her at all. And please imagine Miss VickieWhiskers, bristling with rage, for HOURS, sometimes pacing off and seeming like she had calmed down -- but then coming right back and reminding everyone that no, no, she had NOT calmed down, SHE DOES NOT PLAY THAT.
Steve did everything right. He froze. He averted his eyes. He apologized in every pig way I could see. And he tried hard to figure out the rules, including figuring out the ramp faster than I've ever seen any pig figure it out. Not that he was allowed to get OFF the ramp, mind you.
But it just didn't end. Vickie kept rumbling him into corners and reading him the riot act.
And then, when he didn't apologize loudly or long or fast enough, she'd nip him.
After hours of random outbreaks of VickieOutrage and a nip that finally drew blood, I decided to call it quits. I reinstalled the floor on the upper level and, since it was 2am, created a kind of stopgap fleece cover for the ramp-hole. And we all went to bed.
Of course the stopgap fleece cover didn't provide sufficient deterrence for a VERY. UPSET. young sow who wasn't sure what the hell was going on but was pretty sure she wasn't liking any of it.
"Don't make me scream again. I can and I will, and the neighbors are already getting ready to call the cops."
And for much of this morning she just seemed really jumpy and Steve seemed tired and confused. But by this afternoon, things seemed much better. Steve even humped Cici a couple of times and she told him to get off without completely losing her mind. And she has some other lessons to teach him, too.
For example, here she is explaining that his job is to pull the hay out of the bin for her, and then allow her to take it out of his mouth.
So I think we'll all survive. Maybe in a couple of weeks, if The Ladies are feeling up to it, we'll try again. But for now we'll just have two happy teams. And in the meantime, we have a new guy!
I can't wait to get to know Steve. He looks a confident pig. I like that he tried to apologise and back down to VW as best he could rather than jump straight into battle mode.
- Supporter in '16