. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig attempts to smoke crack in ICU, almost burns down hospital.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig flashes buttocks at IHOP after impersonating a police officer to get free food.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig bites off neighbor's ear because he wouldn't give him a cigarette.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig claims wife was kidnapped by holograms.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Drunk Florida Guinea Pig attempts to ride bike through Taco Bell drive-thru, fights with police.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig inches closer to one-way trip to Mars.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig holds up Domino's delivery man over pizza and wings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig escapes adult novelty store with $300 Jenna Jameson doll in tow.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig steals 850 pairs of underwear from Victoria's Secret.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig really, really wants to force a jury to watch his sex tape.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Elderly Florida Guinea Pig caught [xxx] in McDonald's parking lot, claims his privacy was invaded.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig attacks nephew over undercooked noodles.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig sets apartment complex on fire after manager told him to stop [xxxing] in front of windows.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig arrested for smoking pot in hospital maternity ward.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig calls 911 to check on his tax return. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig convicted of burying ex-reporter in concrete for his "Magic: The Gathering" collection.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig tattoos black widow spider on his face to combat arachnophobia. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig sent to jail after pouring hot sauce on 3-month-old puppy.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Men attack ice cream Guinea Pig who wouldn't take $20 bill for pickled sausage.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig arrested after urinating on in-law's carpet during Thanksgiving gathering.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig pokes girlfriend in the eye after she served him waffles instead of pancakes.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig attempts to leave store with chainsaw stuffed down his pants.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig offers police officer $3 and chicken dinner for sex.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig resists arrest while dressed in Boy Scout costume.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig, once arrested for fighting drag queen with a tiki torch while dressed like KKK member, now running for mayor.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig tries to avoid court appearance by claiming he has Ebola.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig steals 36,000 pounds of Crisco.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig caught with "active" meth lab in his pants.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tar-smeared Florida Guinea Pig arrested on convenience store roof at 3 a.m.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig accidentally butt-dials 911 while cooking meth with his mom. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig arrested for punching 80-year-old man at Applebee's.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Masked Florida Guinea Pig steals $300 worth of sex toys.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig escapes prison to buy beer, no one notices.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig attacks ATM with hatchet after it refuses to take his check.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig accused of catching and eating protected tortoises. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig rescued from vending machine.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Naked Florida Guinea Pig captured after threatening passers-by with sword.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig calls 911 to complain about police officer's slow ticket writing skills.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig launches chair at mailman because he had no mail for him.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig mistakes senior government officials for foreigners.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig sentenced to prison for attempting to start "race war" near Disney World.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pigs surprised to learn mannequin is actually dead body.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig leaves Florida.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig proposes to girlfriend, ties ring to alligator.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig removes facial tattoos with welding grinder.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig claiming to be Teddy Roosevelt's relative banned from Holiday Inn after threatening to hit manager. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig convinced school tests will turn students gay.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Florida Guinea Pig announces he's exploring presidential run.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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A Medical and Care Guide for Guinea Pigs

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